SPEC SCRIPTS:
WARNING: This Spec Scripts Contains: VERY Strong Language, and an aggressive sense of humor.
WARNING: Lots to Edit
WARNING: Lots to Edit
Zoolander or ZooKeeper, Spec Script:
(An Entertainment, and Political, Food Comedy)
5.6.2022
To his Entertainment Lawyer:
"For what part? I dunno, they neva told me the name of the part.. How my supposed to know..?"
(beat)
" 'The Picture', was from back when I had an arm in a sling, when I was busy making it fashionable thing to have an armrest in a tux.."
(An Entertainment, and Political, Food Comedy)
5.6.2022
To his Entertainment Lawyer:
"For what part? I dunno, they neva told me the name of the part.. How my supposed to know..?"
(beat)
" 'The Picture', was from back when I had an arm in a sling, when I was busy making it fashionable thing to have an armrest in a tux.."
"It was for one of them cover girl shoots for EMIT, Fragrance magazine or somethin' like that, bunches of cologne spilling out of the pages, I didn't even want that stinkin' gig..
But, Last week, Handin' in my script was (beat) .. well, pretty good I thought : I really took to your words, you know? I said... I can't remember what I said to the Producer nerd. I said somethin' like.. (Flashback) (IN EDIT) (Drops script on the desk, and Says To Producer:) "This is for that Zoolander-Zookeeper-Beekeeper with the sword .. The second sequel to sword, the one after that first lump of crap shit you made.. Guy has swords for wants and needs n shit, thats it.. And there's the idea, and he lives on forever to the end, but there's no end. So, again its a BONUS FILM. So, that's two, two for you, double pay, double what you normally pay your assheads for one of these TV Dinner Movies.." "So, I think it went really well, ya know? .. It felt good this time." " |
News Reporter: "The Publicity says you stole the look of 'Grandpa face' from 'resting bitch face', is that true?"
(To Edit) His Retort: Which was first? : The cottages that made the cheeses or the molds? (Beat) Well, ask your Grandpa..
Dishn' up me pa not 'smilin' look', others call it a "frown look".. (What's with all the smiles? I don't get it, Gramps didn't get it. Still, I don't either.. My New Look : "Grandpa", black n white style photo, my new 'blue steel' to sell a TV Dinner Movie.) (But I smell, and I see the competition on the streets.. With everyone and their grampa's picture from their wallet looking at it, and I can't even get in the room with my 'Grandpa Face', and we fuckin' brought it back (now, he's from WWII, and he's a 'churchie', so don't trucking', let him know, I huckin' said the word fuckin', understand)? But we brought it back..
Can I write these two Zoolander TV Movie Dinners myself and the sequel too? Sure, but that will be just one film, because the second one il' get canceled.. Sure I can. I never saw the third or second or whatever letter it was TV Movie Dinner film, so someone has to write in the whateva things that are missing links of the puzzle or something, I can't do everything here.. A little help, ya know?..
I also know others can add some good comedy to this one too.. So, the info is above.. 5.7.2022 2:PM WCT
(To Edit) His Retort: Which was first? : The cottages that made the cheeses or the molds? (Beat) Well, ask your Grandpa..
Dishn' up me pa not 'smilin' look', others call it a "frown look".. (What's with all the smiles? I don't get it, Gramps didn't get it. Still, I don't either.. My New Look : "Grandpa", black n white style photo, my new 'blue steel' to sell a TV Dinner Movie.) (But I smell, and I see the competition on the streets.. With everyone and their grampa's picture from their wallet looking at it, and I can't even get in the room with my 'Grandpa Face', and we fuckin' brought it back (now, he's from WWII, and he's a 'churchie', so don't trucking', let him know, I huckin' said the word fuckin', understand)? But we brought it back..
Can I write these two Zoolander TV Movie Dinners myself and the sequel too? Sure, but that will be just one film, because the second one il' get canceled.. Sure I can. I never saw the third or second or whatever letter it was TV Movie Dinner film, so someone has to write in the whateva things that are missing links of the puzzle or something, I can't do everything here.. A little help, ya know?..
I also know others can add some good comedy to this one too.. So, the info is above.. 5.7.2022 2:PM WCT
So, I had to create something new, and I saw what sold their soul and I named it: "Black Coal"
And, I kept this "Black Coal" look secret long ago, then some mermaid stole my look for his film trash, after I put the look out for the first go..
Here is me first look, then the fish mermaid TV Dinner Movie, poster copycat..
And, I kept this "Black Coal" look secret long ago, then some mermaid stole my look for his film trash, after I put the look out for the first go..
Here is me first look, then the fish mermaid TV Dinner Movie, poster copycat..
Then, I'm ridin' the truckin train/bus/subway, with this numb nutz poster all over while I'm headed from sellin' fish to workin' extra jobs. I now have this no name, who is this guy staring at me ridin' the bus while I stare back at the mermaid..? I dunno.. He's been in a lot of TV Movie Dinners lately... (Looks at the Sign "JASON") -Jason Mermaida |
7.1.2022 - 7.3.2022
__
Maybe, that Blue Steel idiot, stole my black coal look and sold it to Mermaida for his Captain Aqua-Chubacca look. (beat) Went and told everyone that "Black Coal" was a look he could "blue steal" because he worked in a coal mine..
(Gets off bus/train/subway) (Walks to auto shop)
"If that mermaid keep stealin' my look, or blue steel stealin my looks, or anyone stealin' my looks gonna send em to the market for a tenderized steak face".. (looking at way too many billboards that look headshots from his past)
(Sees a "Shark Week" poster) "Oh, now he's doin 'Shak Week'.. Yeah, he be doin that like": “There’s a shark .. mmm .. and there is another shar- looks like a school.. Like a University.. but I don’t see the, the .. that one, the Duh Nah .. Dun Nah .. dah-nah, dah-nah-dah-nah, -dun-dun-dun-dun, buh-buh-buh-buh -Da Na Na Naaa.. I Don’t see him. But, I think that's another type of shark over there.. (Really Long beat) Nope… that wasn’t a shark, .. I thought it was .. but it’s just plastic trash, like my action figures..
(Waiting for the crosswalk) (More Billboard Posters of Mermaida, across the street on top of PETE'S SHOP)
"That Chicken Pot Pie Motha- (City cab horn BERRRRhhhhh)!"..
(Arrives at open doors garage auto-shop, walks-in and is greeted by)
PETE: "You see that Thor"?
"I only saw the Trailer Trash for it. You"?
PETE: "Yeah, here's your free movie.. Thorn needs a bigger ax for a new bad guy, then he finds one, then he uses it-"
"Well that's just like the beginning, middle, n end, to most three ("tree") part tv movie dinners, ya know? Ya got your rich folk appetizer course, then you got your main course, and then the third other thing ("ting").. So its like all them tv dinner movies with that"..
"But that director ---- or ---- or something' who did that.. Yeah, he's been a better addition to the tv dinner movie world, than what that ----- craps out. I tried to support what he does once upon a time, til I find out he's a ball of slime.. Now, I'm a criticizer and outspoken-er about these things being created for the tv dinner movie world, some of these directors just throw their tv dinner movies in the microwaves, leave the plastic film n shit to cook into the dinner, when they could've baked their tv movie dinner in a tray and oven with a lil more care for the whole of it, ya know"..?
PETE: "Whatcha think about ---- ----"?
"----- So, whats goin' on with your last batch of lemons"?
PETE: "Its not good"..
"Never is, and it never will be Pete, never will be.. Can ya still make lemonade"?
PETE: "Look... It's a bad deal we have.. I don't have that many cars to work on right now, and I'm looking to go back to fixin these myself for (beat) I dunno how long" .. "But I know a guy" .. "He's gotta pizza place. So, maybe you could convince him to freeze pizzas for people to heat up for easy tv movie dinners or somethin"?
"Grumbles" .. "Jacks takin' your business or what"?.. "Cause I gotta an Ace"..
PETE: "I don't think its a problem we can solve".. (PETE: Mechanics the undercarriage, from a mechanic pit) (Always with a talk that the place is bugged, meaning PETE likes to "talk to the feds" out loud (but not loud) with what he wants to say in imagination or not) "So, just go check out this place and learn somethin' there-"..
"I got a few things lining up, a few, you know. Next week, I'm busy with audition crap, I got a date too. So, I can't let a pizza place tell me my hours ya know"..
PETE: (ON HOLD : DATE Q:) "I told him your deal, he just needs the extra help when you can"..
"This better not be no Chicago Deep Dish Joint. Never know a pizza pie could piss me off so much".. "Piss me off".. "A Chicago Pie is like : You know the friend that has an ego and says : "Yeah, I know" before they- (PETE: -"Yeah I know") -hear the whole thing: Well, Chicago Pizza is that.. It's a yeah, yeah I got it-, (PETE: -"yeah, yeah I got it") -and then they build a backwards ass margarita while at the same time they're sayin' "I know how to build pizza.. I built a kabillion of em".. Then there's a brick of cold cheese with uncooked veggies n a mess of sauce on the top.. WHY? People go to the nut house on that shit..
PETE: "No its not.. Its a Chi-Town dip dish spot, your gonna love it". (Pete: Wrenching). "Nah.. They ran Chicago Pizza out, the're stuck in Jersey and moved to LA, stealing NY style".
"Kinda like that Mermadia who stole' my look, to put up outside your shop to piss me off. It's like they follow me around to piss me off or somethin', and that blue steel stealin my looks, anyone stealin' my looks bout to send em to the market for them packs of frozen blueberries"..
PETE: "I threw eggs at that one night".. "I built the sign to advertise my shop, and the city "Ordinance" (air quotes with wrench in hand) took it away to sell their own chicken of the sea things".
"Yeah that's the Government, like a broken car lemon you keep tryin to fix, but they squeeze the lemon before you can buy the sugar"..
PETE: "That reminds me, I have a lemon for you to take home today, I can't afford the radiator for it so I cracked an egg white in the water for you to get it home to work on it.. But its got a lot of work.. You member how we did the last radiator, well this is just like that but with the Air Conditioner attached, which also doesn't work"..
"Pete, I ca-"..
PETE: "Hey, if there was a watermelon of lemons this is the one, its a waterlemon, so just take the trash out, and help me finish up a few of these here today, and let me know how the junk yard goes in a couple weeks".. ("anything kicking in the back is junk yard too") .. ("Like if ya need to ask yourself all of a sudden "did someone throw a potato in my tire"? Kinda a thing, just take it to the junkyard.. Ya know"?)
"What work ya need now"?
PETE: "Let me see how this sounds now, n grab the ignition wires"..
(Beat)
PETE: "You got em"?
"Yeah, I Got em".
PETE: "When you hear me clang on the starter, hit the wire"
(Clang, clang, (Cross wires))
(Engine Starts)
__
(A COUPLE WEEKS LATER)
NEXT VISIT TO PETE'S SHOP:
CAR is puttsin its way to PETE'S SHOP
Arrives: OPEN DOORS to PETE'S SHOP..
PETE: (sees the car putter) "Uh-oh"
"Yeah.."
The look on PETE'S FACE took all of half a minute to say:
PETE: "Your head engine gasket is cracked"...
"I didn't think I'd do that".. "I didn't think that was the problem"..
PETE: "Yeah".. (beat) "What did you do to my beautiful lemon"? (The car was junk before and gone now)
"I made a far trip to a 'coinstar' and for other bank business that had to be done that day. (beat) I cracked an egg white and filled it up with water and I thought we're all good to go. The car overheated on the way back, I expected that but didn't expect to crack the head gasket"... "Next, I was stopping by a construction site, for water for the over heating.. Apartment Complex hoses.. and filling up my gallon of water that will only get me another bit-"..
PETE: (Goes to pop the hood) "Is a radiator still on order"?
"It arrived just after that, I installed it".. "That, and a new battery, and new alternator, new spark plugs, new fuel filter".. "I kept going thru the diagnostics of what would make it act like-"..
PETE: "A total wreck, yeah thats how its gonna act when you super overheat the engine and crack the gaskets"..
PETE: "You putting all that time and money to findin' out you wasted all that time and money is like dealing with a broke America, parts to fix, America overheating and the President is a cracked head gasket beyond repair. ((beat) PETE: Goes to work) He's got no eggs.. No water, then the cah starts to overheat like America, now its broken and we don't have an engine to keep us going, just a cracked head gasket who held onto old parts and didn't wanna fix em, but he pays his friends to say he fixed the car go ahead and take the keys".
PETE: "Help me take this new stuff you bought back out"..
(NOISE on the Background tv of Derek Campaign Commercial)
(Begins with hard reach socket wrench engine work)
"THEN WE HAVE OTHER (beat) Cracked Head Gaskets like: Derek belongs in a Zoo (beat) loser, wanting to be President.. Says it will help him make his big break into being a movie star instead of being stuck as a model, says being President will get people to take him more serious in the tv movie dinner business"..
"Listen to this commercial" (points to the tv with his socket wrench to Derek campaigning and the crowd oooing, ahhing and complaining) "He got these Presidential commercials from auditions and the Casting Directors say to this clown "Hey, lets run with this.. Like for real," other cd "Yeah, like for real"..
PETE: "Pulling a Ronald Reagan, putting an actor in the White House".. "Now, throw a clueless model in there".. The Zoo is missing their head chimp..
"What's worse in the White House the missing head chimp who doesn't know what's going on, or the "Biff Tannen" casino mob boss, who knows how he is ruining America"?
PETE: Chimp, Chump, President Whoever for whatever for change, ain't going to create the change or change into some change star, so.. We gotta change to a change star".. "You change these tires too"?..
"Yeah"..
PETE: "How did your last thing go"?
"Eh".. ("Waste of time, like this waterlemon")..
PETE: "Well, what'd they say to you"?
"They were just being normal bitchy bitches, i dunno, said some shit like"..
CD: "I just don't think you can take directions"..
"And I said: I took your directions, I drove down here and did my thing.. Here I am, what you talkin' about can't take directions" .. "You people" "Your frozen burrito types" .. "forever cold on the inside.." And then.. I stopped caring what else they said after that".. I think I then started thinkin' about this conversation I had with another actor before the audition room.. We were fighting over:
ACTOR WAITING: "Fish steaks, fish 'sticks', the sticks ain't a type of fish"..
"Then where do they come from if the sticks ain't a type of fishes..? Next you say chicken nuggets ain't chicken steaks either-" .. "He wouldn't quit this-"..
PETE: "How was your date"?
"Same as the Casting Directors"..
(FB): "A couple days before during work there was a problem and I was laughing at my own joke and took punch to my front tooth, and chipped it".. (Squabble) "So, two days later I'm on the date and a little insecure to smile and when I finally did she started laughing at my teeth, and it was a thing"..
PETE: "Maybe, if you were smiling it made her happy and she laughed"..
"Maybe (beat) I had a few things on my mind in the way-".. "In my head I figured she would think it was piece of lettuce, and ask about it-"..
__
(People yelling out the window: "-So what's it to you?") (Trying to sleep and says to self) "People bitching around my window," (Gets up and yells out the window) "this is my window to bitch around you bitch"".. They bitch back and forth and | CUT TO: The knuckle buzz, ache, tightness, and flush of blood to the knuckles after a thrown punch.. (Going back to bed)
__
Walking down a busy sidewalk: (Not Derek Z.)
"Some talkin' you gotta be a roll model, over n over .. They'll look up to you for that-they say .. But I can't just sit around and wait until someone gives me a job modeling rolls and buns, I'll be any kind of model, (counting on fingers) I'll be an Apple model, I can be a hamburger bun model if I can get the part, seeds or not. A loaf a bread model sounds a lil betta chedda with the bread and the butta, you know? .. Grill cheese model one day, who knows .. Get that lettuce being a lettuce model, who cares, ya know? .. Pfft, Roll model .. People gotta think bigger dreams".. (Picks up Newspaper)
(Flash of Photo) CUT TO:
(Photographer takes another picture of:)
Zoolander in Make-up Department before another campaign commercial..
__
The Casino President is chunked down at a slot machine eating cheap nachos, both him and his prostitute feeding each other..
(Aid cleaning the Slot Machine handle).. President eating ; "Mmmm"..
Looks to his aid with a mouth full of nachos saying : "Put this on red for me, cause I'm in the red".. "unless you think black to get me back to black"?
Aid: "I'll just watch the last spin and pick the opposite, like last time".. "More bottomless nachos"?..
President : "Yeah, another round"..
Aid heads off.. Prostitute : Feeds the President another dripping nacho..
(President adds another coin grabs the Slot Machine Handle, stops and says) "why don't you pull the handle this time":
(lil bit of Nacho cheese on the Slot Machine handle) (Gal pulls the Slot Machine Handel and -Sounds of Slot Machine and alarms)
Gal, throws her arms in the air and 'dances' in her chair, Singing: "Caching-Caching-Bing-Ting. Caching-Caching-Bing-Ting. Ching".
__
Maybe, that Blue Steel idiot, stole my black coal look and sold it to Mermaida for his Captain Aqua-Chubacca look. (beat) Went and told everyone that "Black Coal" was a look he could "blue steal" because he worked in a coal mine..
(Gets off bus/train/subway) (Walks to auto shop)
"If that mermaid keep stealin' my look, or blue steel stealin my looks, or anyone stealin' my looks gonna send em to the market for a tenderized steak face".. (looking at way too many billboards that look headshots from his past)
(Sees a "Shark Week" poster) "Oh, now he's doin 'Shak Week'.. Yeah, he be doin that like": “There’s a shark .. mmm .. and there is another shar- looks like a school.. Like a University.. but I don’t see the, the .. that one, the Duh Nah .. Dun Nah .. dah-nah, dah-nah-dah-nah, -dun-dun-dun-dun, buh-buh-buh-buh -Da Na Na Naaa.. I Don’t see him. But, I think that's another type of shark over there.. (Really Long beat) Nope… that wasn’t a shark, .. I thought it was .. but it’s just plastic trash, like my action figures..
(Waiting for the crosswalk) (More Billboard Posters of Mermaida, across the street on top of PETE'S SHOP)
"That Chicken Pot Pie Motha- (City cab horn BERRRRhhhhh)!"..
(Arrives at open doors garage auto-shop, walks-in and is greeted by)
PETE: "You see that Thor"?
"I only saw the Trailer Trash for it. You"?
PETE: "Yeah, here's your free movie.. Thorn needs a bigger ax for a new bad guy, then he finds one, then he uses it-"
"Well that's just like the beginning, middle, n end, to most three ("tree") part tv movie dinners, ya know? Ya got your rich folk appetizer course, then you got your main course, and then the third other thing ("ting").. So its like all them tv dinner movies with that"..
"But that director ---- or ---- or something' who did that.. Yeah, he's been a better addition to the tv dinner movie world, than what that ----- craps out. I tried to support what he does once upon a time, til I find out he's a ball of slime.. Now, I'm a criticizer and outspoken-er about these things being created for the tv dinner movie world, some of these directors just throw their tv dinner movies in the microwaves, leave the plastic film n shit to cook into the dinner, when they could've baked their tv movie dinner in a tray and oven with a lil more care for the whole of it, ya know"..?
PETE: "Whatcha think about ---- ----"?
"----- So, whats goin' on with your last batch of lemons"?
PETE: "Its not good"..
"Never is, and it never will be Pete, never will be.. Can ya still make lemonade"?
PETE: "Look... It's a bad deal we have.. I don't have that many cars to work on right now, and I'm looking to go back to fixin these myself for (beat) I dunno how long" .. "But I know a guy" .. "He's gotta pizza place. So, maybe you could convince him to freeze pizzas for people to heat up for easy tv movie dinners or somethin"?
"Grumbles" .. "Jacks takin' your business or what"?.. "Cause I gotta an Ace"..
PETE: "I don't think its a problem we can solve".. (PETE: Mechanics the undercarriage, from a mechanic pit) (Always with a talk that the place is bugged, meaning PETE likes to "talk to the feds" out loud (but not loud) with what he wants to say in imagination or not) "So, just go check out this place and learn somethin' there-"..
"I got a few things lining up, a few, you know. Next week, I'm busy with audition crap, I got a date too. So, I can't let a pizza place tell me my hours ya know"..
PETE: (ON HOLD : DATE Q:) "I told him your deal, he just needs the extra help when you can"..
"This better not be no Chicago Deep Dish Joint. Never know a pizza pie could piss me off so much".. "Piss me off".. "A Chicago Pie is like : You know the friend that has an ego and says : "Yeah, I know" before they- (PETE: -"Yeah I know") -hear the whole thing: Well, Chicago Pizza is that.. It's a yeah, yeah I got it-, (PETE: -"yeah, yeah I got it") -and then they build a backwards ass margarita while at the same time they're sayin' "I know how to build pizza.. I built a kabillion of em".. Then there's a brick of cold cheese with uncooked veggies n a mess of sauce on the top.. WHY? People go to the nut house on that shit..
PETE: "No its not.. Its a Chi-Town dip dish spot, your gonna love it". (Pete: Wrenching). "Nah.. They ran Chicago Pizza out, the're stuck in Jersey and moved to LA, stealing NY style".
"Kinda like that Mermadia who stole' my look, to put up outside your shop to piss me off. It's like they follow me around to piss me off or somethin', and that blue steel stealin my looks, anyone stealin' my looks bout to send em to the market for them packs of frozen blueberries"..
PETE: "I threw eggs at that one night".. "I built the sign to advertise my shop, and the city "Ordinance" (air quotes with wrench in hand) took it away to sell their own chicken of the sea things".
"Yeah that's the Government, like a broken car lemon you keep tryin to fix, but they squeeze the lemon before you can buy the sugar"..
PETE: "That reminds me, I have a lemon for you to take home today, I can't afford the radiator for it so I cracked an egg white in the water for you to get it home to work on it.. But its got a lot of work.. You member how we did the last radiator, well this is just like that but with the Air Conditioner attached, which also doesn't work"..
"Pete, I ca-"..
PETE: "Hey, if there was a watermelon of lemons this is the one, its a waterlemon, so just take the trash out, and help me finish up a few of these here today, and let me know how the junk yard goes in a couple weeks".. ("anything kicking in the back is junk yard too") .. ("Like if ya need to ask yourself all of a sudden "did someone throw a potato in my tire"? Kinda a thing, just take it to the junkyard.. Ya know"?)
"What work ya need now"?
PETE: "Let me see how this sounds now, n grab the ignition wires"..
(Beat)
PETE: "You got em"?
"Yeah, I Got em".
PETE: "When you hear me clang on the starter, hit the wire"
(Clang, clang, (Cross wires))
(Engine Starts)
__
(A COUPLE WEEKS LATER)
NEXT VISIT TO PETE'S SHOP:
CAR is puttsin its way to PETE'S SHOP
Arrives: OPEN DOORS to PETE'S SHOP..
PETE: (sees the car putter) "Uh-oh"
"Yeah.."
The look on PETE'S FACE took all of half a minute to say:
PETE: "Your head engine gasket is cracked"...
"I didn't think I'd do that".. "I didn't think that was the problem"..
PETE: "Yeah".. (beat) "What did you do to my beautiful lemon"? (The car was junk before and gone now)
"I made a far trip to a 'coinstar' and for other bank business that had to be done that day. (beat) I cracked an egg white and filled it up with water and I thought we're all good to go. The car overheated on the way back, I expected that but didn't expect to crack the head gasket"... "Next, I was stopping by a construction site, for water for the over heating.. Apartment Complex hoses.. and filling up my gallon of water that will only get me another bit-"..
PETE: (Goes to pop the hood) "Is a radiator still on order"?
"It arrived just after that, I installed it".. "That, and a new battery, and new alternator, new spark plugs, new fuel filter".. "I kept going thru the diagnostics of what would make it act like-"..
PETE: "A total wreck, yeah thats how its gonna act when you super overheat the engine and crack the gaskets"..
PETE: "You putting all that time and money to findin' out you wasted all that time and money is like dealing with a broke America, parts to fix, America overheating and the President is a cracked head gasket beyond repair. ((beat) PETE: Goes to work) He's got no eggs.. No water, then the cah starts to overheat like America, now its broken and we don't have an engine to keep us going, just a cracked head gasket who held onto old parts and didn't wanna fix em, but he pays his friends to say he fixed the car go ahead and take the keys".
PETE: "Help me take this new stuff you bought back out"..
(NOISE on the Background tv of Derek Campaign Commercial)
(Begins with hard reach socket wrench engine work)
"THEN WE HAVE OTHER (beat) Cracked Head Gaskets like: Derek belongs in a Zoo (beat) loser, wanting to be President.. Says it will help him make his big break into being a movie star instead of being stuck as a model, says being President will get people to take him more serious in the tv movie dinner business"..
"Listen to this commercial" (points to the tv with his socket wrench to Derek campaigning and the crowd oooing, ahhing and complaining) "He got these Presidential commercials from auditions and the Casting Directors say to this clown "Hey, lets run with this.. Like for real," other cd "Yeah, like for real"..
PETE: "Pulling a Ronald Reagan, putting an actor in the White House".. "Now, throw a clueless model in there".. The Zoo is missing their head chimp..
"What's worse in the White House the missing head chimp who doesn't know what's going on, or the "Biff Tannen" casino mob boss, who knows how he is ruining America"?
PETE: Chimp, Chump, President Whoever for whatever for change, ain't going to create the change or change into some change star, so.. We gotta change to a change star".. "You change these tires too"?..
"Yeah"..
PETE: "How did your last thing go"?
"Eh".. ("Waste of time, like this waterlemon")..
PETE: "Well, what'd they say to you"?
"They were just being normal bitchy bitches, i dunno, said some shit like"..
CD: "I just don't think you can take directions"..
"And I said: I took your directions, I drove down here and did my thing.. Here I am, what you talkin' about can't take directions" .. "You people" "Your frozen burrito types" .. "forever cold on the inside.." And then.. I stopped caring what else they said after that".. I think I then started thinkin' about this conversation I had with another actor before the audition room.. We were fighting over:
ACTOR WAITING: "Fish steaks, fish 'sticks', the sticks ain't a type of fish"..
"Then where do they come from if the sticks ain't a type of fishes..? Next you say chicken nuggets ain't chicken steaks either-" .. "He wouldn't quit this-"..
PETE: "How was your date"?
"Same as the Casting Directors"..
(FB): "A couple days before during work there was a problem and I was laughing at my own joke and took punch to my front tooth, and chipped it".. (Squabble) "So, two days later I'm on the date and a little insecure to smile and when I finally did she started laughing at my teeth, and it was a thing"..
PETE: "Maybe, if you were smiling it made her happy and she laughed"..
"Maybe (beat) I had a few things on my mind in the way-".. "In my head I figured she would think it was piece of lettuce, and ask about it-"..
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(People yelling out the window: "-So what's it to you?") (Trying to sleep and says to self) "People bitching around my window," (Gets up and yells out the window) "this is my window to bitch around you bitch"".. They bitch back and forth and | CUT TO: The knuckle buzz, ache, tightness, and flush of blood to the knuckles after a thrown punch.. (Going back to bed)
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Walking down a busy sidewalk: (Not Derek Z.)
"Some talkin' you gotta be a roll model, over n over .. They'll look up to you for that-they say .. But I can't just sit around and wait until someone gives me a job modeling rolls and buns, I'll be any kind of model, (counting on fingers) I'll be an Apple model, I can be a hamburger bun model if I can get the part, seeds or not. A loaf a bread model sounds a lil betta chedda with the bread and the butta, you know? .. Grill cheese model one day, who knows .. Get that lettuce being a lettuce model, who cares, ya know? .. Pfft, Roll model .. People gotta think bigger dreams".. (Picks up Newspaper)
(Flash of Photo) CUT TO:
(Photographer takes another picture of:)
Zoolander in Make-up Department before another campaign commercial..
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The Casino President is chunked down at a slot machine eating cheap nachos, both him and his prostitute feeding each other..
(Aid cleaning the Slot Machine handle).. President eating ; "Mmmm"..
Looks to his aid with a mouth full of nachos saying : "Put this on red for me, cause I'm in the red".. "unless you think black to get me back to black"?
Aid: "I'll just watch the last spin and pick the opposite, like last time".. "More bottomless nachos"?..
President : "Yeah, another round"..
Aid heads off.. Prostitute : Feeds the President another dripping nacho..
(President adds another coin grabs the Slot Machine Handle, stops and says) "why don't you pull the handle this time":
(lil bit of Nacho cheese on the Slot Machine handle) (Gal pulls the Slot Machine Handel and -Sounds of Slot Machine and alarms)
Gal, throws her arms in the air and 'dances' in her chair, Singing: "Caching-Caching-Bing-Ting. Caching-Caching-Bing-Ting. Ching".